I just wanted to take some time to write about (or too) people who can identify with bingeing on food OR alcohol and then berate themselves for it.
I get a lot of messages from ladies who deal with this on a daily basis, (especially as the moment because people are at home), and are not sure where to start ~ so wanted to say this :>>
The first thing to remember is that you are not alone and that you are a human being
Basically, over-eating, drinking too much, under-eating, emotional eating or drinking, is about avoiding a needed loving conversation with yourself – and thereby avoiding honouring your truest feelings and truest thoughts.
At its truest depth though, my feeling is that when we binge eat/ don’t eat/ overeat/ drinking alcohol – we are always JUST TRYING TO MAKE OURSELVES FEEL BETTER.
Wearing my old addictions counsellor hat – one of the sayings was/ is “YOUR BEST THINKING GOT YOU HERE“
I now 100% believe this to be true about any addiction or habit we have.
It was your best thinking that got you to the place because it always seems like the thing to do in the moment to get back to a place of calm, peace, clarity or joy.
It’s what we do to run from the pain we are feeling in any given moment.
And that pain is often caused by our thinking about a situation or event that has happened.
As I have re-discovered recently trauma, loss/ separation, and emotional wounding can be a very real cause for certain eating disorders.
These events can give rise to a whole host of inner negative self-loathing attacks which can then lead to or perpetuate a binge-eating cycle.
Very often, these inner shame attacks are pointing us to a deeper truth – That we are innocently believing out thoughts that we are no good.
We have innocently held onto a belief that we aren’t any good.
Our brains are cleverly wired to try to “solve” the ‘problem’ of feeling unhappy.
Loss/ trauma/ grief etc are chronically hard for us to bear, impossibly emotional and hugely painful.
What better way to avoid these feelings than to say “I’m fat” “I’m disgusting” “I’m useless” “What’s the point” “I’m going to eat ALL THE THINGS!”
What if there was nothing you had to do?
What if the ‘thing’ to do is to offer yourself kindness and compassion?
What if the ‘thing’ to do is to stop living by other people’s rules of what you should and shouldn’t eat and what time you should and shouldn’t eat, and just listen to your own body, and your own innate wisdom about what and when to eat?
Although it’s hard, you need to believe that you are worth the effort, and truly believe it, which will make it easier to follow things through..
You cannot out-eat a troubled mindset.
Your mindset is probably the most powerful tool you have.
Your subconscious mind hates to be wrong.
It literally cannot stand a situation where what you believe about your life/ body is incongruent to the reality.
Therefore to put it simply – If you tell yourself in your mind that you cannot run, and you believe this 100% when you go out for a run, you will very likely stop – meaning your thoughts become the reality. (I have to say that I can relate to this completely on the running!)
Likewise, if you believe your thoughts that you are overweight, you will likely keep ‘snacking’ on chocolate or biscuits (even secretly) to ensure that your subconscious mind is not wrong.
The thing is, whatever that negative thought that you think about yourself daily, especially when you look in the mirror, repeating, and reinforcing those thoughts will increase the likelihood of you staying or being in the same situation.
The brain LOVES the familiar.
What is a familiar thought pattern that you have?
What if you told yourself you are enough right now, right as you are, just as you are?
How would that feel?
I AM ENOUGH!
This is what I have written on my mirrors and phone screen savers
I no longer want to pull my body apart for all that I think she isn’t.
I want to listen to HER and come from a deep place of knowing – that I am enough, that I am worthy of love, and that I do deserve to be nurtured.
Don’t allow yourself to be blinded by negative beliefs and self-talk.
Challenge your thinking and allow yourself to see you as others see you.
Ask your friends to say how they see you, write this down, and put it somewhere you can see every day.
Look in the mirror, and find things about yourself you DO like – do not allow those nagging negative creatures of comfort to enter in which can lead us down a dark slippery slope of self-abuse.
I no longer prescribe rules for you to live by.
I used to believe that this was the way forwards which was my best thinking at the time.
Now I KNOW you already have wisdom within you guiding you to know what is best for YOU at any time, at any moment.
Sometimes we just need a facilitator to guide us back to ourselves.
It is for this reason that I wrote the 11-moduled online program FLY ~ First Love Yourself.
And at the moment in light of the current COVID-19 weirdness, we find ourselves in, I am giving away my program for FREE to anyone who needs it.
YES, THAT’S RIGHT – COMPLETELY FREE!
The program includes my self-love guided meditation.
Sending love to you today wherever you are,
You are enough.
Love, Charli x
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