The first time I ever recognised that I had a “problem” with my body weight and appearance was at the age of 16.
Common wisdom suggests following a diet and exercise program, right?
My desire is to shed weight, so I’ll modify my diet and intensify my exercise routine. “So simple,” we often believe.
It’s akin to solving a mathematical equation!
Repeatedly, we’ve been advised that meticulously crafted food plans, strict diets, and unenjoyable exercise regimens fail to yield lasting results.
They don’t guide us to the destination we truly yearn for: becoming individuals who no longer obsess over overeating or undereating, who hold no fears or rebellions related to food.
I recall an encounter at a conference, waiting in line for tea or coffee, engaged in a pleasant discussion with a doctor. The lengthy queue afforded us ample time.
Upon disclosing my history of disordered eating, she remarked, “Oh, so you’ll probably have to remain vigilant about that for the rest of your life, right?”
What?!
That used to be my conviction, reinforced even by well-intentioned professionals.
How did I transition to a state of profound tranquility concerning eating, food, alcohol, and weight?
I grappled with the magnitude of my emotional turmoil. It was truly overwhelming.
I still experience a whirlwind of emotions—grief, fear, heartbreak, anger, anxiety, and nervousness.
These sensations, entirely human and ordinary, are part and parcel of my existence. Naturally, I’m not devoid of emotions; I’m a human after all 😉
Recalling the past, I once sought to eradicate all intense emotions that burdened me.
I craved freedom from the weightiness, and thus resorted to drinking, eating, not eating, or exercising—hopes of attenuating the emotional intensity. It worked temporarily, until it didn’t.
In bygone days, these emotions would overpower me, commandeering my entire being, before I began embracing my emotional experiences with compassion.
This predates my discovery of the genuine essence of human nature.
Consider these questions:
- Who would I be without the belief that being upset, troubled, or anxious is inherently wrong?
- Who would I be without the belief that emotions and feelings can transform into torment and necessitate evasion?
- Who would I be without the thought that my feelings are inherently alarming?
It might not feel comforting, but it’s unequivocally human. For me, to be human is to feel.
And through my journey, I learned that I need not dread my feelings.
What I’ve realised is that experiencing emotions is an integral facet of reality, irrespective of my personal preferences.
Furthermore, my feelings do not define me—they merely reflect the nature of my thoughts at a given moment.
As Sydney Banks suggests, feelings harbour valuable insights.
Love manifests on two tiers: the love we radiate and the love we inherently are.
The love we are resembles the unwavering sun 🌞
Conversely, the love we project, stemming from our momentary thoughts, resembles weather conditions.
During clear skies, the sun’s brilliance shines through.
In times of storminess, not so much.
Striving to become more loving, paradoxically, doesn’t necessitate self-improvement.
The sun doesn’t demand repair, and the fleeting weather cannot be permanently fixed; it inevitably passes.
Attempting to mend the weather only introduces stormy thinking.
By embracing our inherent love and trusting that inclement weather will subside, the brilliance of the sun becomes more pronounced.
Managing this might be simpler than anticipated.
The endeavor undoubtedly holds value, for on the opposite end lies a serene acceptance of emotions devoid of shame, permitting them to coexist with compassion.
Upon reaching this juncture, my impulse to binge-eat or starve waned.
Since early adolescence, I sought to alter my weight, body, and eating habits to attain happiness.
However, this approach was fundamentally flawed.
This new paradigm equipped me with a means to transform the projector—my mind—rather than the projected—my body, my relationship with food.
I once perceived a defect on the screen—my body itself—and endeavored to perpetually rectify it.
I also tried altering this emotion and that sensation, striving to mend myself and the perceived “imperfections” that surfaced in my awareness (especially prevalent following my brother’s passing).
In vain did I endeavor to change the projected image—my body, my diet, the utopian vision of my future self—alongside my emotions.
I’ve come to comprehend that grasping ‘The Three Principles’ has unshackled me, enabling me to embrace the entirety of the human experience with openness, celebrating the peaks and navigating the troughs with grace.
The deeper our understanding of the intrinsic inside-out nature of experience, the fewer fears remain—whether we’re facing elation or sorrow, boldness or trepidation.
If I can liberate myself from disordered eating and drinking, acknowledging that the preoccupation with food and weight no longer dictates my thoughts, then this possibility extends to anyone.
You are inherently complete
If you seek guidance on this journey, don’t hesitate to message me.
Let’s have a conversation about how freedom is more attainable than you might think. 🙏
Website Link: iamcharliwall.com
