“Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power” – Lao Tzu
I am sure many of you have heard of your innate survival response?
The freeze, flight or fright system (Sympathetic Nervous System) becomes activated when we have a stressful event, or stressful thinking about someone or a circumstance in our life.
There are actually 5 survival responses:
1. Fight = The 1st 3 (I hope) are well known to everyone?
2. Flight
3. Freeze
4. Fawn = People Pleasing
5. Faint = Fainting or physically collapsing
Often, when people are going through a potentially tricky situation, they can go into a conditioned response (as above) which stems from a trauma of some kind.
My two particular flavours were freezing and fawning.
Although I had no idea for many years that these innate systems were being activated over and over again, I have come to see that these were indeed unconscious, impulsive, reactive brain switches that were turned on as a survival mechanism.
It can be hard to know when you’re in survival brain or function mode – especially during prolonged periods of stress, so here are some signs that you might be experiencing survival brain:
1. Lack of focus: Things might seem foggy or hard to concentrate. You might have trouble finishing one activity in a focused manner or how you “usually” can.
2. Changes in memory: You may have difficulty remembering situations or things that happen throughout the day. If a friend asks how your day was, you may honestly not really know.
3. Fatigue: You may feel more tired, in body and mind.
4. Emotionally reactive: If you are more upset about things you wouldn’t normally react to, this can be a sign of survival brain. Perhaps you’re snappier or grumpier or cry more easily.
5. Forgetting to care for basic needs: Lacking motivation to brush teeth? Exercise? Wash your face? Get up in the morning? These can all be signs.
6. More impulsive: You might spend excessively, eat more, or engage in activities you might not normally.
7. Zoning out: This could be likened to a ‘space cadet’, where someone may be staring into space often and don’t hear when you call their name. I know for many years this was something that I did, as my young(er) son used to try to bring me ‘back’.
If you see yourself in some or all of these, then you are not alone.
And here is the good news: there is always hope for change.
First and foremost, if you are experiencing any of these symptoms, please contact a mental health specialist – this is why we are here!
If you want to stay anonymous, you can join my Facebook Community and navigate your way through all the free resources I have available (including all the live coaching sessions that I do there, which can be found under GUIDE #2)
You can also post anonymously within that community *See the attached screenshot.
That way, I and the other members can respond, AND I can potentially (& with your permission) often use the material for my #questionoftheweek (which can also stay anonymous).
I generally do these on a Friday and upload them everywhere.
If you have a particular question you would like me to speak to, you can always email me at charliwall@iamcharliewall.com
If you aren’t on Facebook, I always post on my Instagram, YouTube channel, and Podcast.
If none of these call to you, here are some ways you can gently activate your parasympathetic nervous system:
- Be gentle and kind to yourself: You are not doing anything wrong; you are doing enough; you are not failing. You are having a physiological experience of stress and trauma. This is normal – and temporary.
- Move your body in a way that feels good: Trauma (& stress) disrupts your body’s natural equilibrium, keeping you in a state of hyper-arousal and fear. Movement can be a great way to release energy. Endorphins shake up your physical experience if you have been feeling stuck. Please make sure it is something you enjoy and that you can take gently.
- Reach out for support: We are social creatures. We need our people. Call a friend, FaceTime, or take a walk. If you don’t have a support network around you, create your own one or join my online Circle Community. (ladies only)
- Practice grounding techniques: When we are anxious and overwhelmed, it’s hard to calm down. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try to force yourself, your body still reacts like a threat.
Take deep, slow breaths, even just for 60 seconds.
Please take a look at your surroundings.
What three things do you see?
What two things do you hear?
What’s one thing you can smell?
Connecting to what’s physically in front of you is powerful to bring your brain back to baseline.
Splash water on your face or hold an ice cube – it might sound strange, but it works.
- Prioritise the self-care basics: Get enough sleep, drink enough water, find things you enjoy and do them even if it’s a 20-minute walk, look towards the sun, and create some space just for you to breathe without filling the space with more things to do, ie. Create a space for your own medicine spot –> See the Vlog below.
There is also this excellent podcast that I recently did with Sally about how her working with me changed things for her concerning her nervous system.
If you would like any support for any of the things I have mentioned above, please just hit reply, and let’s have a chat.
All my love,
Charli xx
