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Understanding The Feminine Over-Functioning Pattern

Understanding The Feminine Over-Functioning Pattern
April 25, 2024 Charli Wall
In Blog

“The quintessential feminine Self stands at the centre of the psyche and it is wild, meaning natural and free, and utterly wise. It is not ‘something’ we must strive to create. This Self is already fully present, burning strong and waiting for us to come into its presence” – Clarissa Pinkola Estés

Tucked inside the heart of every over-functioning woman is a precious little girl still longing to hear, feel and experience three of the most powerful and healing words they could ever say to her. “I GOT YOU!

Over-functioning comes from a deep place of looking for external validation but often leads to extreme burnout, resentment, or self-loathing – this then often leads to many of our problems in the bedroom, at work, in relationships, as well as with our mental and physical health.

It often causes women to feel less happy or joyful than they used to be, and instead, they feel extremely exhausted and overwhelmed.

Are you suffering from Feminine Burnout?

This intricate pattern unfurls across three distinct stages:

Stage 1: It starts with over-functioning superwomen who do all the work at home and everywhere in between, usually without praise or appreciation. They take care of everyone else but themselves and, despite feeling overworked and exhausted, keep pushing through without asking for help.

Stage 2: After pushing their body and mind so much, these superwomen finally hit a wall where they must slow down. Physically, this wall could mean they’ve gotten sick with a virus or a cold or are suffering from extreme fatigue or chronic flare-ups. Mentally, they could be suffering from panic attacks, depression, mental health issues or even OCD tendencies. Whatever the case, something forces them to stop, rest and heal; however, oftentimes, the time meant to be spent healing is usually filled with feelings of guilt for not getting anything done.

Stage 3: The second these women can, they’re jumping back into their over-functioning ways at home and work, usually working even harder to catch up, and then ultimately starting the cycle over again.

Are you caught in this relentless cycle?

There are five key indicators of whether or not you’re trapped in the seemingly endless feminine over-functioning cycle. If you fit into the following statements, then you’re likely a victim of this maladaptive pattern.

  1. You’re never able to rest. How long does it take you to unwind on a holiday? Once you’re home, do you get more stressed from the holiday because you feel you’ve fallen behind on work?
  2. You’re not very flexible. How well do you handle an unexpected change to your plans? Do small changes make your head explode, or maybe you shut down entirely?
  3. Your libido has changed. The sex and intimacy dynamic between you and your partner has changed, and something is off. Maybe your libido has drastically lowered, or you may be the one with the higher drive now.
  4. You’re dealing with functional depression. You’re sad, lost, and not interested in things you used to enjoy, but you’re still keeping it together at work and home.
  5. You’re anxious. You feel like you’re jumping to put out one fire after another.

How To Break The Cycle:

If you have been trapped in this cycle of over-functioning, over-giving, and feeling exhausted, please know that there are ways to break this pattern.

1. Embrace the art of RECEIVING: In cultivating a spirit of openness, we invite abundance, vitality, and the profound sense of fulfilment that has long eluded us.

2. Unlearn and reeducate yourself: Shedding the layers of outdated beliefs, we embark on a journey of self-discovery, reclaiming the essence of our being with each step forward.

3. Embrace the feminine: Amidst the chaos, we find solace in the company of kindred spirits, weaving a tapestry of connection and empowerment through the sacred bonds of sisterhood. In the gentle embrace of vulnerability, we find the strength to relinquish the burdens of perfection and embrace our flawed yet infinitely resilient, exquisite, beautiful selves. We can do this by finding a community of support, like a Circle of Women (either locally to you or online)

Over-functioning is doing for others what they can and should do for themselves.

The path from high-achieving children to over-functioning adults is often paved with societal and parental messages that emphasise the connection between productivity and inherent worth. Many of us were raised in environments where our value hinged on what we could achieve. This early conditioning can leave a lasting impact on our psyche.

As we grow into adults, we carry these beliefs with us into our relationships.

The constant need to prove ourselves, achieve more, and be indispensable can lead to over-functioning tendencies.

These tendencies are often a coping mechanism developed in response to the fear of not being ‘enough.’

However, beneath the surface, there may be unhealed traumas and unresolved issues stemming from childhood.

Possibly a little girl who really does not know she is lovable and worthy despite her successes.

The pressure to meet impossibly high standards, the fear of disappointing others, or the need for external validation can all contribute to this complex web of emotional baggage.

Identity development in relationships becomes challenging for over-functioning adults. They may struggle to separate their self-worth from their achievements, leading to codependency, anxiety, and a sense of emptiness when not ‘doing’ for others.

Exploring this journey of self-discovery and healing is crucial.

It’s about unravelling deep-rooted beliefs, addressing past traumas, and learning to value ourselves for who we are, not just for what we accomplish.

(Even if your puny little ego wants to contest the enormity of your soul, the smaller self can never for long subordinate, the higher S SELF – and you will hear the voice of truth within; you need to learn to listen)

If you want my help, there are several ways, which I will outline below:

1. My online Circle Community – this month’s theme is ‘The Over-giving of the Feminine.’ 

2. Come to Spain with me in June of this year – we will be rewilding in nature for 5 days. This will give you sunshine, space, time, nourishment, love, care, holding, exploring, and movement, and we will unravel some shadow patterns that can run the show unconsciously. You deserve some time out 😉

3. Apply for my new group programme, ‘Courage Dear Heart’. This five-month programme is for women only, and the pricing is currently set as a pre-sale price ONLY for my email subscribers and clients. We will be going on a feminine emergent journey – meaning we will be going through a myth-poetic Life, Death, Life (re-birth) rhythm ♥️🦁

4. Apply to work with me 1:1 – this is a significantly higher investment than the previous offerings, and I will intentionally be coming for the places of conditioning and programming that live inside of you in service of your awakening self.

5. Get your name down to be the first to hear about my Crete Retreat later on in the year

Have courage,

Love, Charli x

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