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My thoughts used to keep me imprisoned

My thoughts used to keep me imprisoned
February 26, 2020 Charli Wall

My thoughts used to keep me imprisoned.

I was always anxious, fearful, depressed. I suffered from Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and often experienced panic attacks.

My thoughts kept telling me things, and I didn’t know that I didn’t have to believe them.

They told me things I would never in a million years let anyone else say to me.

They told me things I would never in a million years repeat to anyone else.

They told me that I was stupid, that I was fat, that I was weak, that I was ugly, that I had no place in this world.

They told me that no one would ever want to listen to me.

They told me that I was a failure.

They told me I would never amount to anything.

They told me that I would never be happy.

They told me I was worthless.

So I looked outside of myself all the time for my happiness and security.

I tried to hide my anxiety with alcohol, exercise or social isolation.

This became almost a full-time job.

I tried to change my body. Daily.

I tried to control what I put into my mouth.

I tried to hide my face.

I would pick it until it bled hoping that would change the way I looked for the better.

That’s what believing my thoughts did – I was continually shrouded by a dark, heavy thought cloud of “I am not enough”

Thought is not reality; yet it is through Thought that our realities are created.”— Sydney Banks

Until I began to learn that there is a new paradigm emerging in the field of Psychology.

I got curious, got myself a coach and took my Coaching qualification within this new paradigm – The new paradigm being that we are always 100% of the time creating our experience of life from the ‪inside-out‬.

Most people subscribe to, (innocently, and me too!) to the outside-in paradigm whereby circumstances, people and events are responsible for the way they feel – and believe me, if you read my experience of life above you can really see how this was working for me! Not well!

You may have read the quote by Cuban born essayist Anaïs Nin who stated, We don’t see things as they are, we see things as we are and the more I learned (and continue to learn) the more this makes sense to me.

The more I learn the better the results I have, and the better transformations my clients have.

The more I learn the better my experience of life has become.

I learned that I was attaching meaning to my thoughts and life circumstances and it always came back to the sense of not feeling ‘good enough”.

I found evidence of this EVERYWHERE — The familiar narrative I had going round and round my head was dark, serious, heavy.. but woman-made! I was so busy thinking about my own self that I was missing out on my life.

I grew to see that I was actually the observer of my thoughts and that they didn’t have the power to hurt me unless I gave them that power.

When we misunderstand out thinking and take our thoughts really seriously we often find ourselves in a ‘world’ of blame, insecurity, fear, avoidance, addiction, anxiety.. feeling powerless, and at the mercy of the ‘world out there’, or problems that seem unsolvable.

There is nothing wrong with these or any feelings in and of themselves – they are all made of the same divine energy.

All feelings are sourced the same way – however. what divorces us from reality is the false belief that our feelings/ experiences of life can be determined by ‘something’ else – THIS is what throws us off balance and reduces our perspective, shrinking our experience of life – THIS is the illusion that causes us to innocently behave in ways that we otherwise wouldn’t.

If you would like to know more about how I overcame anxiety/ PTSD and a number of addictive behaviours and you would like to talk please just message me or comment below and we can have a chat – there is more reason to be hopeful than you know.

You are enough.

Book a free connection call here,

Love, Charli x

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