I am going to write a blog from my heart this morning, as there are a few things that have been bothering me recently. In the last few months, I have received a few emails/ texts/ Facebook messages telling me what a horrid person I am. One of these has been from a particularly good, (now) ex, friend. The others have been from two unhappy bootcamp girls. The main opinion is that I am selfish, only after money, do not give enough attention to that individual person. I have been called de-motivating and un-empathic.
These people, have used the forum of Facebook, mobile phones, or email to write an attacking message to me, and therefore do not have to take responsibility for what happens when I read it at the other end, or potentially what their words may do to me, or anyone else they feel the need to vent to in a negative fashion.
I feel like I live in world where its OK to abuse electronically but no-one has the courage to come to my face and tell me what it is they are unhappy with me about.
If like me, you have suffered with any form of low mood, deep-rooted insecurities, then these random and seemingly uncalled for attacks do deeply impact on you. I really don’t feel its just me that gets attacked, I do genuinely feel that many of us have used these forums to impart negativity to another person —- press SEND, and then its gone. You don’t have to deal with what comes next.
But these messages DO have an impact. Without going into too much detail, I have had A LOT going on these last few months. This has had a huge impact on my energy, and motivation to train myself , or eat well. As a result, my own mental health has suffered and I know only too well, having experienced burn out in the past, that I was getting the warning signs again…
Broken sleep, weight gain, lethargy, sleepy in the day, lack of motivation to take care of myself, tearfulness etc. A need to work and work as escapism from my reality. This also impacts on my son who needs me to be a mother to him.
I was getting into a rut, and I know that many of you can identify with that feeling.. Nothing is ever good enough, self-critical language, and subsequent sabotaging of any clean eating efforts. How many of you have been in this position before?
I needed to take a long hard look at myself. Was I all those things I was being attacked for? Was I letting all these negative statements /messages effect everything I believe in? You see for me, exercise has always been my saviour. It has got me through some REALLY bad times in my life, and over the last few months I have just let that slide, either because of injury or because just plain and simply, I believed the ‘You are horrid’ messages as that resonated deeply within my psyche.
It seemed easier to believe the few who had written negative statements about me, than to believe that I am achieving something with my life, and affecting many other women in a very positive way.
Then something happened, I received a random text from someone who said this “Hi Charlie, just thought of you and wanted to tell you I think what you do is amazing, you turn so many people’s lives around and actually make them care about themselves again….” When I received this message, I was at my lowest point that I have been for a good few years, and without knowing it, this particular lady changed my mindset.
I got up, chose to eat the right foods, booked my training in for the week, actually did the training(!), and felt much better for it. When I received the attacking messages in the last few days, I was able to look at them for what they are. Women attacking me because they themselves feel unhappy.
We all have insecurities, whether that be about your looks, weight, how you perform at work, how fit you think you are, how bright you think you are, whether or not you are a good parent, coach, role model, whatever it may be. If someone happens to hit ‘that button’ then it seems very easy to stop focusing on all the good we have and do, and become insular.
The key is to KEEP FOCUSED on all the people who love and believe in you, focus on TODAY, not yesterday, as this wastes energy and time. We can change the story of our own lives, we don’t have to have a script of the person we were 2, 5 or even 20 years ago.
Find something that you hold dear and work hard to get it. For me, that is running my business and continuing to inspire women to be the BEST that they can be, and also to take care of my own body/ mind, for what we are on the inside tends to depict what we are on the outside.
I have learnt a lot over these last few months and hope that I will continue to learn and grow. I am not perfect and have never said that I am. I muck up, and hopefully learn daily from the mistakes that I make. It does take a lot of practice to stop those negative feelings taking hold, but hopefully if we continue to look inside ourselves, it will get easier.
The women that I work with every day continue to inspire me to be the best that I can be, and I am not sure they realise that 🙂
Have a great day.