Last week’s QOTW came in; this is what was asked:
โ๐๐บ ๐ ๐ช๐ด ๐ข๐ณ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ฐ๐ญ๐ฅ ๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ด๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ขlย ๐ฑ๐ข๐ณ๐ข๐ฅ๐ช๐จ๐ฎ & ๐ฏ๐ฆ๐ธโฆโฆโฃ ๐๐ช๐ต๐ฉ ๐ฎ๐บ ๐ฃ๐ถ๐ณ๐จ๐ฆ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ด๐ฆ๐ญ๐ง-๐ข๐ธ๐ข๐ณ๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ฆ๐ด๐ด -๐ถ๐ฏ๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ด๐ต๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ, ๐โ๐ฎ ๐ฎ๐ถ๐ค๐ฉ ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ญ๐ช๐ฌ๐ฆ๐ญ๐บ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ด๐ต๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ถ๐ฑ ๐ง๐ฐ๐ณ ๐ฎ๐บ๐ด๐ฆ๐ญ๐ง & ๐ฏ๐ฐ๐ต ๐ข๐ค๐ค๐ฆ๐ฑ๐ต ๐ค๐ณ๐ช๐ต๐ช๐ค๐ช๐ด๐ฎ/๐ฐ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ ๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ฐ๐ฑ๐ญ๐ฆโ๐ด ๐ด๐ฉ๐ช๐ต ๐ฏ๐ฐ๐ธ.โฃ ๐๐ฐ๐ธ๐ฆ๐ท๐ฆ๐ณ, ๐ ๐ด๐ต๐ช๐ญ๐ญ ๐จ๐ฐ ๐ช๐ฏ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ฑ๐ญ๐ข๐ค๐ข๐ต๐ช๐ฏ๐จ/ ๐ง๐ข๐ธ๐ฏ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ฅ๐ฆ ๐ด๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ต๐ช๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ด.โฃ ๐๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ฏ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ด ๐ฉ๐ข๐ฑ๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ด – ๐ ๐ต๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ฃ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ข๐ต๐ฆ & ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ข๐ฑ ๐ฐ๐ฑ๐ฑ๐ณ๐ฐ๐ฃ๐ณ๐ช๐ถ๐ฎ ๐ฐ๐ฏ ๐ฎ๐บ๐ด๐ฆ๐ญ๐ง (โ๐โ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ฏ, ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ฌ๐ฏ๐ฐ๐ธ ๐ฃ๐ฆ๐ต๐ต๐ฆ๐ณ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ฏ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ต!โ)โฃ ๐๐ฐ๐ธ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐จ๐ฐ ๐ง๐ณ๐ฐ๐ฎ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ด ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ข ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ญ๐ฐ๐ท๐ช๐ฏ๐จ & ๐ฆ๐ฎ๐ฑ๐ข๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ต๐ช๐ค ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ด๐ฑ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ด๐ฆ?”โฃ
Many women do not know what fawning is, so during my answer, I explained a little bit about what fawning is and then spoke to the question.
You can listen in here:
๐ป ๐๐๐ช๐ก๐๐ก๐ ๐๐ฆ ๐ ๐ฅ๐๐ฆ๐ฃ๐ข๐ก๐ฆ๐ ๐ง๐ข ๐ง๐ฅ๐๐จ๐ ๐ ๐ป
Fawning, often referred to as the “4th F” in the trio of trauma responses alongside Flight, Fight, and Freeze, involves using people-pleasing behaviour to ease conflict, feel secure in relationships, and gain approval from others.โฃ โฃ
In essence, fawning is a way to establish safety in our connections with others by mirroring their perceived expectations and desires, becoming hyper-vigilant, and relying on co-dependence as a means of self-protection that originated during our childhood.โฃ โฃ
This response led us to seek external validation and awareness from others rather than staying connected with our own selves, resulting in a need for belonging, love, and care to feel safe and protected.โฃ โฃ
While the exact prevalence is unknown, fawning tends to be more common in females, particularly in response to men. โฃ โฃ
For some profoundly feminine women, it may be challenging to distinguish between genuine admiration and fawning, where asserting personal needs becomes difficult.โฃ โฃ
Women who exhibit the fawning reflex, driven by their trauma response, are often drawn to men who display the “Fight” response, as it aligns with familiar dynamics ingrained in their nervous and limbic systems.โฃ โฃ
Traditional Chinese medicine considers females ten times more complex to treat due to our reproductive cycles and relationship to nature over our lifespan.โฃ โฃ
As such, immune and nervous system events often impact women more intensely.
We naturally have more oestrogen and oxytocin, bonding hormones, meaning weโre more susceptible to fawning and the social nervous system in particular. โฃ โฃ
Understanding and exploring fawning is crucial for all of us, as it sheds light on this intricate and nuanced trauma response.โฃ โฃ
Does fawning sound familiar to you? โฃ โฃ
How does this show up for you?
I’d love to know what you hear in this.
Love, Charli x
Ps. For those of you who are interested, I have my dates now for my next Rewilding Nature Retreat, 10th – 15th of June 2024
You can see all the details and the itineraryย here
I am offering a special early bird price of ยฃ100 off if you sign up before NYE this year. Just put in the codeย 2024EARLYBIRDRESETRETREAT
If you would like to chat with me about the Rewilding Retreat, you can book a timeย here
