Last week’s QOTW came in; this is what was asked:
“𝘔𝘺 𝘘 𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢l 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘥𝘪𝘨𝘮 & 𝘯𝘦𝘸…… 𝘞𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘮𝘺 𝘣𝘶𝘳𝘨𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧-𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴 -𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘐’𝘮 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘶𝘱 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘺𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 & 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘢𝘤𝘤𝘦𝘱𝘵 𝘤𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘪𝘴𝘮/𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦’𝘴 𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘵 𝘯𝘰𝘸. 𝘏𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳, 𝘐 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘨𝘰 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨/ 𝘧𝘢𝘸𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘰𝘥𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘴. 𝘞𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘴 – 𝘐 𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘦 & 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘱 𝘰𝘱𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘣𝘳𝘪𝘶𝘮 𝘰𝘯 𝘮𝘺𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 (‘𝘊’𝘮𝘰𝘯, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵!’) 𝘏𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘰 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘢 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 & 𝘦𝘮𝘱𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘵𝘪𝘤 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘱𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘦?”
Many women do not know what fawning is, so during my answer, I explained a little bit about what fawning is and then spoke to the question.
You can listen in here:
Fawning, often referred to as the “4th F” in the trio of trauma responses alongside Flight, Fight, and Freeze, involves using people-pleasing behaviour to ease conflict, feel secure in relationships, and gain approval from others.
In essence, fawning is a way to establish safety in our connections with others by mirroring their perceived expectations and desires, becoming hyper-vigilant, and relying on co-dependence as a means of self-protection that originated during our childhood.
This response led us to seek external validation and awareness from others rather than staying connected with our own selves, resulting in a need for belonging, love, and care to feel safe and protected.
While the exact prevalence is unknown, fawning tends to be more common in females, particularly in response to men.
For some profoundly feminine women, it may be challenging to distinguish between genuine admiration and fawning, where asserting personal needs becomes difficult.
Women who exhibit the fawning reflex, driven by their trauma response, are often drawn to men who display the “Fight” response, as it aligns with familiar dynamics ingrained in their nervous and limbic systems.
Traditional Chinese medicine considers females ten times more complex to treat due to our reproductive cycles and relationship to nature over our lifespan.
As such, immune and nervous system events often impact women more intensely.
We naturally have more oestrogen and oxytocin, bonding hormones, meaning we’re more susceptible to fawning and the social nervous system in particular.
Understanding and exploring fawning is crucial for all of us, as it sheds light on this intricate and nuanced trauma response.
Does fawning sound familiar to you?
How does this show up for you?
I’d love to know what you hear in this.
Love, Charli x
Ps. For those of you who are interested, I have my dates now for my next Rewilding Nature Retreat, 10th – 15th of June 2024
You can see all the details and the itinerary here
I am offering a special early bird price of £100 off if you sign up before NYE this year. Just put in the code 2024EARLYBIRDRESETRETREAT
If you would like to chat with me about the Rewilding Retreat, you can book a time here