I'd like to give you a gift...

🚩 Recognising Codependent Patterns 🚩

🚩 Recognising Codependent Patterns 🚩
September 18, 2023 Charli Wall
In Blog, Nervous System, The 3 Principles, Trauma

In the intricate tapestry of relationships, there exists a pattern known as codependency β€” a pattern that has the power to unravel our well-being and our connections.

Embracing awareness is the initial step toward shedding light on this complex issue.

In this article, we’ll embark on a journey to uncover the common signs and crimson flags of codependency, equipping you or a loved one with the tools for transformative change.

The Dance of Codependency

Imagine a dance where one partner constantly leads, while the other follows without question.

This dance of codependency is marked by a relentless desire to support and enable, often at the cost of one’s own essence and equilibrium.

Signs of Codependency

  1. Excessive Caregiving: Codependents are often consumed by the needs of others, placing them above their own. They may feel compelled to fix their loved one’s problems, even if it means neglecting their own well-being.
  2. Shattered Self-Esteem: Codependents frequently grapple with a fragile sense of self-worth. Their validation and self-esteem become tethered to the approval of others, leaving their inner self overshadowed.
  3. The Fear of Abandonment: Deep within the heart of codependency resides an unrelenting fear of abandonment. This fear drives codependents to extraordinary lengths to avoid solitude or rejection, sometimes forsaking their own needs.
  4. Blurred Boundaries: For codependents, boundaries become elusive, their own needs often fading into the background. Saying no, establishing limits, and asserting their desires may feel like foreign concepts.
  5. Emotional Repression: Expression of emotions can be challenging for codependents who suppress their feelings and need to evade discord or disapproval, leaving their emotions silenced.
  6. Control Struggles: A codependent may embark on a quest to manipulate and control their loved one’s behaviour, believing it is necessary for their well-being.

Red Flags on the Horizon 🚩

  1. Neglecting Self-Care: If you consistently place your well-being on the back burner to cater to another’s needs, it’s a signal of codependency demanding your attention.
  2. Guilt Over Self-Prioritisation: The guilt that surfaces when you dedicate time to self-care or advocate for your needs is a crimson flag. Remember, nurturing oneself should never evoke guilt in healthy relationships.
  3. Dependency on a Relationship: Your happiness and self-worth should never hinge entirely on a relationship with another. If they do, it’s time to reevaluate this dependency.
  4. Fear of Solitude: If the thought of being alone is unbearable, or if you feel incomplete without someone else, codependent patterns may be at play.
  5. Chronic Validation Seeking: Consistently seeking validation and approval, often forsaking your own values and desires, serves as a telling sign of codependency.



Recognising codependent signs is a significant step toward personal growth and healthier relationships. If you or someone you know identifies with these signs, here are some actionable steps to take:

  1. Self-Reflection: Start by looking inward. Take time to reflect on your own feelings, needs, and motivations. Journaling can be a helpful tool for self-discovery.
  2. Educate Yourself: Learn more about codependency. Read books, and articles, or seek information from reliable sources to gain a deeper understanding of the issue. I loved Melody Beattie’s book, ‘Codependent No More’
  3. Set Boundaries: Practice setting clear and healthy boundaries with others. Learn to say no when necessary and prioritise your own needs without guilt.
  4. Self-Care: Prioritise self-care activities that nurture your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. This might include exercise, meditation, hobbies, or spending time with supportive friends.
  5. Communication: Practice improving your communication skills. Learn to express your needs, feelings, and concerns assertively and honestly.
  6. Focus on Self-Esteem: Cultivate self-esteem and self-worth from within, rather than relying on external validation. Positive affirmations and self-compassion can be helpful.
  7. Reduce People-Pleasing: Challenge the urge to constantly please others at your own expense. Recognise that it’s okay to prioritize your own well-being.
  8. Practice Patience: Changing codependent patterns takes time and effort. Be patient with yourself and celebrate small victories along the way.
  9. Stay Accountable: Share your journey with a trusted friend or family member who can hold you accountable for your progress and provide emotional support. I have two groups available to you, one for women only, and one for both men and women.
  10. Self-Love:Embrace self-love and self-acceptance as essential components of your journey toward healing and personal growth.

Have a look at the handy infographic below to get a feel for the different nervous system states that we can get into.

Remember that recognising codependent patterns and taking steps to address them is a courageous and empowering process.

It can lead to more authentic, fulfilling relationships and a greater sense of self-awareness and well-being.

Please do not hesitate to reach out to me if you would like some help with any of the above.

Have courage.

Love, Charli x

Comments (0)

Leave a reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *